This is a very special year for Becky and me and for our best friends, Damon and Maggie. They got married six weeks before we did in 1992!
God’s institution of marriage is awesome and it can be a lot of fun, but it doesn’t run on auto-pilot. The husband and the wife both have to do their parts to nurture the relationship and help it grow.
Shaunti Feldhahn wrote an article for Family Life where she gave five ways to improve your marriage. I love that she did it from the specific perspectives of the husband and the wife instead of trying to combine them into more generic terms.
The Fantastic Five for him
A wife will have a big impact on her husband’s happiness when she does the following:
- Notices his effort and sincerely thanks him for it. (For example, she says, “Thank you for mowing the lawn even though it was so hot outside” or, “Thanks for playing with the kids, even when you were so tired from work.”) This deeply pleases 72 percent of all men.
- Says “You did a great job at __________.” This deeply pleases 69 percent of all men.
- Mentions in front of others something he did well. This deeply pleases 72 percent of all men.
- Shows that she desires him [intimately] and that he pleases her [intimately.] This deeply pleases 85 percent of all men.
- Makes it clear to him that he makes her happy. (For example, she expresses appreciation for something he did for her with a smile, words, a big hug, etc.) This deeply pleases 88 percent of all men.
The Fantastic Five for her
On his side, a husband will have a big impact on his wife when he does the following:
- Takes her hand. (For example, when walking through a parking lot or sitting together at the movies.) This deeply pleases 82 percent of all women.
- Leaves her a message by voice mail, e-mail, or text during the day to say he loves and is thinking about her. This deeply pleases 75 percent of all women.
- Puts his arm around her or lays his hand on her knee when they are sitting next to each other in public (at church, at a restaurant with friends, etc.). This deeply pleases 74 percent of all women.
- Tells her sincerely, “You are beautiful.” This deeply pleases 76 percent of all women.
- Pulls himself out of a funk when he’s morose, grumpy, or upset about something, instead of withdrawing. (This doesn’t mean he doesn’t get angry or need space; it means he tries to pull himself out of it.) This deeply pleases 72 percent of all women.
What other things do you do to help your marriage thrive?
Source: Family Life
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